I asked Marina if she had a new zombie report for her readers. She threw a shoe at my head and made a growling noise that made the hair lift on the back of my neck.
You see, she’s writing a new zombie story. We’re really hoping to have it finished before Christmas (she writes, I edit and produce). Apparently, my asking if she’s done yet (or asking her to write more posts for this blog) has the same effect as my kids screaming from the backseat of the car: “Are we there yet?!?” (It’s her own fault. I love Zombies Take Manhattan and I’m a greedy reader and, much like zombies, some is never enough.)
She did say if I was really, really good and quit bugging the snot out of her, she’ll let me read her work in progress on Monday. Well, shoot. That means I have to be good all weekend. That’s iffy.
It also means I can’t talk about the new story. I can say it has zombies in it. And, best of all, it features one of my favorite characters. Anything else, my lips are zipped.
That’s not much of a zombie report.
Zombie news, zombie news… I’ve already beaten my disappointment in The Walking Dead to death (I suggested to Marina that she include a scene where Rick and Carl show up in NYC and get eaten–oddly enough she didn’t think that was a grand idea…writers, hmmph). I did find a Jeff McComsey GUTTERS comic strip called “8 Easy Steps To Create a Walking Dead Storyline” that was pretty good. I read Jonathan Maberry’s Dead of Night, which was horrendously creepy and disturbing and gave me nightmares–meaning I loved it. I also watched (again) one of my favorite zombie movies
DANCE OF THE DEAD!
Maybe not the classic that Night of the Living Dead is, but it cracks me up every single time.
So zombie report fans, you have my sympathy. You, like me, will have to wait until Marina comes up for air. It’ll be worth the wait.
Whistling, twiddling my thumbs, being good…
However, I’m also apprehensive. I remember the red coal hot barbeque fork tines of disappointment that poked my eyes out during the Season 2 premiere when the zombie herd staggered right past the bleeding T-Dog. In Season 1, characters had covered themselves in zombie guts so they could walk through Atlanta. The team that produces THE WALKING DEAD hadn’t followed their own rules. Earlier in the season, the zombies could smell. Now they couldn’t smell. I felt cheated as shit.
Zombie fans are sticklers for The Rules in a way that fans of other horror genres aren’t. Vampires go to the beach in broad daylight and nobody gives a damn. Silver bullets are optional when killing werewolves, mainly because it’s really hard to come up with silver bullets. Zombie fans care about The Rules because they are actually compiling their own survival guides while they are being entertained. You have to be careful about The Rules. People are paying attention. Close attention.
Later, on THE TALKING DEAD, I heard a member of the show’s creative team respond to the criticism over the You-Said-That- Zombies-Can-Smell-And Then-You-Said-They-Can’t-Smell issue. He said something like, “We never said that zombies are bloodhounds. We’ve never had zombies sniffing people out.” I got mad all over again. ZOMBIES WOULD HAVE TO NOT HAVE ANY SENSE OF SMELL AT ALL TO NOT SMELL T-DOG GUSHING BLOOD, AND YOU TOLD US BEFORE THAT THEY COULD SMELL PEOPLE!
But somewhere along the line, I gave it up. It’s not like there is ANOTHER zombie show I can watch. I have to watch the only zombie show there is. I can’t NOT watch the only zombie show there is. And that led to me relaxing other rules I generally have about my entertainment just so I could watch THE WALKING DEAD.
Rules about character continuity. Relaxed. Lori went to town alone to tell Hershel that his daughter was sick in spite of the fact that the men had gone into town to find Hershel because Hershel’s daughter was sick. Now, Lori would NEVER, EVER chance her son losing both parents. EVER. She is the character who is LEAST likely to go off alone on a ridiculous errand. And, beep beep, there she went. I was mildly annoyed, but I dealt.
Rules about maintaining a decent, believable plot in general. Relaxed. The only person who was still on Shane’s side by the end of Season 2 was Andrea. Nobody really trusted Shane. Almost all of them feared Shane. Yet the entire group was horrified when Rick confessed that he’d killed Shane. The reason they turned against Rick was the producers needed them to turn against Rick to set up what is going to happen in Season 3. Again, I dealt.
And I’ll probably keep right on dealing. THE WALKING DEAD is my soap opera. I’m like my grandma with her “stories” that she had to watch every single weekday, with people coming back to town with different faces to avenge themselves against their evil twins who’d stolen their husbands. Grandma knew that shit wasn’t real. THE WALKING DEAD isn’t real. BUT THEY’D BETTER WATCH THE RULES, THIS SEASON! OR I’LL BE MAD! I’ll watch. But I’ll be mad.
I, personally, follow the rules with my zombie fiction. Check out the great review of my ebook, ZOMBIES TAKE MANHATTAN!
I’ve talked about zombie apocalypse preparedness before in this report. I’ve talked about how prepared I am (not at all, unless you count having a three month supply of expensive dog food for my pampered little dogs, and I don’t think I can count that). There are some people who really ARE prepared for the zombie apocalypse, and they can help you get prepared, too.
A good resource for zombie apocalypse preparedness is actually the CDC (Centers For Disease Control) website. In addition to information and printable posters, there is also a downloadable graphic novella about preparedness. It’s interesting to note that government zombie outbreak models have shown that we are all zombie feed unless the outbreak is contained very early on.
The Zombie Squad is a far more interactive, fun, and socially conscious way to be prepared for the zombie apocalypse. The organization started in St. Louis and then, like a contagion, it spread. It’s all about general emergency preparedness, charity, and zombies. There is probably a chapter near you.
Actually, that should be, things to do while you’re waiting for The Walking Dead to hurry back and start a new season. Are you bored, Marina? It’s pretty tough waiting for the zombies to swing back around your way. After sharpening your axe, stocking up on bullets and making sure you have enough canned fruit cocktail and Spam to keep you fueled through the zombie apocalypse, what is there to do?
I do miss The Walking Dead. Sunday nights have been so boring that I was actually watching The Celebrity Apprentice. The only brain that got eaten was mine. Arsenio Hall won? Really? Can you think of one thing that Arsenio Hall does better than anyone else? No? I can. He’s a FEEnominal butt kisser. He got famous for kissing Eddie Murphy’s butt, but he threw his fame away and now he wants his fame back. He found a BIG way to kiss butt on Celebrity Apprentice. He kissed Donald Trump’s butt and Magic Johnson’s butt and his own dead cousin’s butt. Now Celebrity Apprentice is over and I can’t even watch that and bitch about it. Well, I can still bitch about it, obviously, but that is going to have limited appeal, as time marches on.
**DO NOT CLICK ANY LINKS THAT ORDINARY CITIZENS HAVE POSTED ON THE WALKING DEAD SOCIAL GAME’S FACEBOOK PAGE. APPARENTLY SOME PEOPLE ARE PREYING ON OUR MISERY AND HAVE POSTED VIRUS-INFECTED LINKS.**
Then I remembered…wasn’t Facebook supposed to have some sort of social game based on The Walking Dead? Didn’t I “Like” that page incredibly early (I think I was number 20,586)? So I trotted over to the Walking Dead Social Game Facebook page and found…bullshit. They’ve recruited some test players (not ME, obviously), and the game that was supposed to be released in April hasn’t been released yet. BUT…they’ve given us a little preview video. Which looks like bullshit, frankly. I see little people running around and killing zombies and zzzzz. If I wanted to play a game like that, there are a lot better games like that to play than what I saw in the video. I’m hoping they’ll add some…farming or something.
If you want to add your voice to the bitching, head over to Facebook. But get in line. The page has over 390,000 “Likes” that are turning into “Dislikes.”
**DO NOT CLICK ANY LINKS THAT ORDINARY CITIZENS HAVE POSTED ON THE WALKING DEAD SOCIAL GAMES FACEBOOK PAGE. APPARENTLY SOME PEOPLE ARE PREYING ON OUR MISERY AND HAVE POSTED VIRUS-INFECTED LINKS.**
Until Facebook actually releases the game, you and your zombie loving friends can make do with this, Oh, No…Zombies! board game..
Thanks, Marina, maybe after I finish producing your new zombie story collection, Zombies Take Manhattan, and get it uploaded live Amazon and Smashwords so everybody can read it and join the fun, then I’ll have time for zombie board games.