Sorry about last week’s Zombie Report. There wasn’t one. I obtained secret information that the zombie apocalypse was upon us, and I was busy hoarding Spam and automatic weapons…okay truth. I went on vacation and I forgot to do a report.
During my vacation, I did try to get in some zombies for future reports. I made an unfortunate DVD choice based on what various film festivals liked. Descendants is a Chilean zombie film that was made with a $60,000 budget. You can see every dime of that 60 grand right there on the screen. The first scene, the one that probably cost $50,000, is very good. Then the rest of the movie, the other $10,000, flashes back to that first scene over and over and over and…you get the idea. The movie caps off with a ridiculous scene where children who are immune to the zombie plague go to the sea and become sea monkeys. I shit you not.
If this is what film festivals are looking for, I say we all max out our credit cards, move to a politically oppressed country and make us some highbrow zombie movies.
So that kind of left me with little to talk about and nothing to recommend to you until I found a zombie film on youtube worthy of critical acclaim. I present to you the human emotions, the pathos, the tragedy, the non-seamonkey opusness and claymation sawliciousness of…Chainsaw Maid.