Marina Bridge’s Zombie Report: Got Weapons?

Guns are fun. I like them myself. Many were the hours I’ve spent plinking away at tin cans. I don’t have a gun now. I know I live in America, but I don’t have anywhere to shoot a gun. So I don’t own a gun.

A gun would probably come in handy in the aftermath of most kinds of apocalypses, but guns are THE zombie apocalypse weapon because the traditional way to kill a traditional zombie for good and all is to destroy its brain. A gun affords a zombie slayer the distance necessary to avoid zombie bites while destroying zombie brains. A zombie slayer with a gun doesn’t necessarily have to be in fabulous shape to destroy zombie brains, since pointing and shooting is a lot easier than cracking skulls up close and personal. Provided the zombie slayer can shoot (and you aren’t a good shot just because you play a lot of video games, no matter what you think), the gun is the ideal zombie apocalypse weapon for the average citizen.

So you get yourself a gun and then… You might not be near your gun when the zombie apocalypse starts. Most zombie apocalypse survival kits rely heavily on the idea that the owners will be at home when the rotting, animated corpses hit the fan. I suspect that most of us will be at work or a bar.  Say you are home and have the luxury of holing up with your bottled water and MREs and guns and unlimited ammo… You say you don’t have unlimited ammo? Even if you think you do, you don’t. Unless civilization recovers pretty quickly, the whole world is going to run out of ammo. The stupidest zombie apocalypse survival strategy I’ve ever seen was the target practice on AMC’s The Walking Dead.  The characters wasted their finite amount of ammo teaching people how to shoot.

This brings us to a list of

BEST NON-GUN ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE SURVIVAL WEAPONS

DARYL DIXON’S CROSSBOW

The Walking Dead is getting this right. Quiet, efficient, and badass, Daryl stays in bolts by retrieving the bolts that he shoots, but it’s not a stretch to imagine him making his own bolts.

MACHETES, AXES, BIG KNIVES, SPEARS

This Zombie from the original Dawn Of The Dead has a splitting headache.  A machete works pretty much until you lose it.  Remember to keep it sharpened.

CORDLESS POWER TOOLS
Many power tools are cordless these days. Set up a solar recharging station, and you can be just like this Michonne action figure.

LAWNMOWER

The finale’ weapon in Peter Jackson’s Dead Alive. This weapon does require strong arms and a strong stomach.

Hell, watching this clip from the movie requires a strong stomach.

There are a million more weapons, including ordinary household objects, that could be used in the event of a zombie apocalypse.

In my own ebook, ZOMBIES TAKE MANHATTAN!, stagehands use pieces of a theatrical fly system to kill zombies. The sky’s the limit. Don’t count on your gun to save you.  Start looking at those staplers and aerosol cans with fresh eyes!

 

 

Special question from DD1 to you, Marina. She sez: You know the saying, “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas,” right? So, DD1 asks you, oh great and wise Zombie Expert: “If the zombie apocalypse starts in Vegas, does it stay in Vegas?”

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5 responses

  1. Honestly, I think that all sounds like too much work. I think I’ll just become a zombie and hide until the ammo runs out.

    1. There you go, Marie. Sometimes when I watch a zombie movie, I’m thinking, oh come on, just get bitten and get it over with. No pain, no worries, just that insatiable hunger.

  2. Dear DD1, The Zombie Apocalypse hit Vegas in the 1970s. Just check out the penny slots.

    1. So true. And… so creepy! I never could relax in casinos.

  3. I’m stickin’ close to Daryl. And that’s all I have to say about that…

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