Marina Bridges’s Zombie Report: Abed

Marina: On the screen and on the page, zombie heads explode. Whatever the weapon of choice may be, zombie heads have to explode. It’s a general rule. First of all, it’s the only way to kill all but the most unconventional types of zombies. Zombies are mindless eating machines, but their brains propel them. Heroes have to put a stop to that if they hope to survive the book or the movie or the video game. Secondly, and most importantly, zombie fans love exploding heads.

Me: Waving a hand here. There are other ways to kill a zombie. A giant snowblower worked pretty good in Larry Correia’s, Monster Hunter Alpha. As much as I love gun porn, exploding zombie heads get kind of boring.

Marina: Before you so rudely interrupted, I was going to say, it doesn’t take long before one destroyed head is just like every other destroyed head. I don’t want to call it desensitization, because that sounds like zombie heads turning to mush is a BAD thing, so I’ll call it ennui. Ennui sets in. Zombie fans find themselves looking for zombie entertainment that is billed as “disturbing.” At this point in the game, the word “disturbing” has come to mean, “Kiddies, lookie over here to see something bad and nasty that you haven’t seen before!” At least that’s what I always hope it means.

Me: Personally, I like humor. S.G. Browne’s, Breathers: A Zombie’s Lament, was a hoot, and Timothy Long’s, Zombie-Wilson Diaries cracked me up. I always grow concerned when you start saying “disturbing” and “zombies” because then I’m afraid you’ll bring up something like–

Marina: Abed.

Me: I knew it!

Marina: I was looking for some disturbing entertainment when I ran across a mention of Abed from one of my many Facebook horror friends. I ran over to Amazon and downloaded it for a mere 99 cents.

Me: And told me, so I had to run out and buy it, too.

Marina: Abed is a short story by cute little horror author Elizabeth Massie, who looks like she would drop her homemade pie baking to run screaming from a daddy long legs spider. Don’t be fooled. Abed might make YOUR head explode (in a figurative way, of course).

Me: I once made a joke about zombie porn. Someone told me to Google it. Thinking, no way would anyone write or read or watch zombie porn, I Googled it. I stand corrected. Just sayin’.

Marina: The upcoming short film directed by Ryan Lieske is sure to make a ton of heads explode (also in a figurative way, but we’ll hear the screaming all over the internet).

Marina: Don’t read Abed if you don’t mind exploding heads but do get upset over descriptions of graphic sexual abuse. More importantly, don’t come back here to bitch if you read the story and are offended. We did warn you.

Me: Yes, and I wish someone (pointing at Marina) had warned me.

Now to take my mind off Abed, I am going back to work producing Marina’s upcoming story collection, Zombies Take Manhattan! Which has lots of grue, gore and twisted humor. It’s disturbing in a good way. Want to see the cover? Thanks to the talented N.E. White, it’s pretty cool.

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7 responses

  1. You people are…disturbed. (In a good way, of course.)

    1. I prefer sick and twisted, myself. 😉

  2. Thought I’d take a break from my pie-baking to say, “So glad the story s’ploded your heads.” Thanks for the blog…! Oh, shit, there’s a daddy long legs; I’m outta here…

    1. Hi, Elizabeth. I’m giving you the award for writing the most unusual, and disturbing, zombie story ever. Thanks for popping by.

    2. Elizabeth, thanks for the story! However, you forgot to leave us pie.

  3. juliabarrett | Reply

    I’m big on zombie-related gore and twisted storylines, humorous and otherwise, but not zombie porn. Ew. Ew. Ew. Rotting appendages. Ew.

    1. Each to their own, Julia.

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